Loveoutloud

I love you!! You introduced me to love, and you continue to show me how to be a real woman of God! You showed me how to be a GREAT wife, and mother. You showed me the importance of forgiveness, acceptance and patience. Every day away from you can seem hard to bare but I know he is watching over us, covering us in his love and grace. I can smile, and know that he’s taking care of his leading ladies ;)! Next weekend can’t come any sooner!! I love you! Ill dance for us both tomorrow.

I was sure I had on my mask today.

I was sure it was surreptitiously tucked away.

I was sure to catch the tear before it could fall.

I was composed.

See in my mind I thought I had it all tucked away.

Just the way they taught me.

I prayed for God to intercede for fear that I might break.

Finally I made it to my seat

And long behold I saw a familiar face. 

Totally recognizable but name unknown.

See I thought I had them all fooled.

But not this stranger, not this man.

No he distinctly saw right through me.

Mindfully he took a step, it was as if they were ordered right to me.

This command he was destined to follow.  

How he knew? Only the work of God.

He gave up his seat and stood right next to me.

He moved closer but not to creep.

He was close enough for me to realize clearly my pain wasn’t skin deep.

No words just Jill Scott playing, with interpretative moves from the subway car dancer. 

I felt a pull I, felt a wave of love. I felt peace. 

I felt God. 

My body began to regain power.

This was no longer about me.

In that moment it became more about us.  

He needed me to reference the vision.

He need me with all eyes to see.

For a moment I forgot we were all connected.

Energy is fed and served.

Given and received.

My stop arrived

I stood leaving it all there.

Leaving every shackle behind.

Leaving every disparaging thought in that seat.

The stakes were high but he calmly and confidently took my seat.  

Relief was what I needed,

And my burdens he was ready to bear.

I turned hoping he could see my thank you.

His purpose appeared lucid through his stare.

He held me up,

He had my back and carried all my heavy bags.

In that instance God showed up.

I was blessed.

He sanctioned this uninvited guest to minister to me.

He’s name I will never know, but there’s no hiding it.   

Tonight a stranger loved me.

It’s your job to break down walls!! It’s your job to be available to all. It’s your job to love me despite the fact that I am an unfinished product. It’s your job to interpret my ramblings into poetry. It’s your job to hold me when I try to walk away. It’s your job to know my heart and to remind me of the beauty that lies with it. It’s your job to find me when I’m lost. It’s your job to love me, so stop stalling and show up for me!!

I cannot explain my sleepless nights.

I cannot explain waking up with the worst pain in my back

I cannot explain what pushed me out of bed at 7:10am

I cannot explain how I got dressed

I cannot explain all the discouragement as I walked out the door

I cannot explain my drive to get in that car and drive all that way

I cannot explain why I took a different route

I cannot explain the urgency in my body to be there

I cannot explain How the song

Take me to the King 

played on radio as I was about to turn around.

I cannot explain why I made it to my destination right after the song ended

I cannot explain why I parked so far

I cannot explain that walk in particular

I cannot explain why I gazed so hard down the road to that tour bus on the street

I cannot explain that MOMENT, the moment when I walked up those church steps,

I cannot explain my reaction as my body shifted

I cannot explain the shock to my ears,

I cannot explain the shock to my heart as I heard that song

I cannot explain my reaction when I saw Tamela Mann there in the flesh singing THAT song.

I cannot explain what came over my body

I cannot explain how could she be standing there

I cannot explain how could HE be walking with me. 

I cannot explain how I felt knowing He heard my call

I cannot explain how my lack of preparation landed me in the arms of him

I cannot explain how surrendering gives power

I cannot explain how he filled the void in my heart 

I cannot explain how this Journey has shaped me

I cannot explain why he answers me

I cannot explain why I don’t ALWAYS listen

All I can say is thank you!!!

Lord everything I have been through flashed before my eyes at bible study, my nana even came thru “faith without work is dead!” I heard you Mamie, I heard you Ruth, JESUS I HEARD YOU! I am at a lost for words, just remember this moment remember this day.. This my testimony! Whoaa